The Fickle Heroine

Cockblocked

I can’t complain or whine or cry about being rejected.

I’ve never been rejected.

I’ve never put myself in a position to get rejected.

I am my own cockblocker.

Fuck.

OH HAI

Is anyone out there?

It’s been a crazy day so I am going to lay in bed, watch TV, and play with my boobs. Because I can!

Mixed Feelings

I should’ve been excited, happy, supportive. But when my sister told me that she was pregnant with her third kid, I was shocked, scared, and worried.

It wasn’t until my first niece was born that I really understood how having a baby - having a new person in the world - changes everything. Sure, they’re not MY kids, but it has made a huge impact on my own lifestyle and my priorities. It taught me a lot about myself—I learned that I have an unlimited supply of love, that I am protective but stern, that I might die if anything bad ever happened to my nieces.

My sister wasn’t planning on another baby. In fact, she had just given away most of her baby stuff. She and her husband have only just figured out how they are going to take care of their two kids. The rest of our family plays a big role in helping to take care of the kids. It’s fun, but it’s also tiring, it’s a test of patience, and let’s face it: it can be a burden.

While I am happy for my sister, I admit that I am more nervous and, well, kind of crazed with the whole situation. Kid #2 is just about to enter the “easy” stage. She’s potty training and she gets better at communicating and listening everyday. The idea of all of us, especially my sister and her husband, going through it again with another baby, scares the crap out of me. It makes me tired. It makes me want to cry.

I hate that I feel like this. I really am happy, and I am going to love this baby so much. My sister knows it won’t be easy and more things will have to change, but she is ecstatic. I feel badly because she senses my uneasiness whenever we talk about it. Right away, I’m thinking - I should quit my job so I can take care of all the kids full-time. I should sell my place and move in so I can help financially. I should take better care of myself so that I can have more than enough energy to take care of the kids and help my sister. I know it’s not my responsibility and no one is asking me to do anything.

I want to be happy for my sister. She needs my support since we don’t have the most supportive mother. I love being a part of her children’s lives and watching them grow up. Actually, I am now realizing what my true fear is: I fear that our mother won’t be supportive. I fear that she will stress my sister out during her pregnancy. My mother takes care of my sister’s kids. To the outside world, she is a doting grandmother. The reality is that the grandchildren are not a priority for her, and deep down, she resents them for taking up so much of her time. I can’t stand by and watch her “take care” of another baby. And that is why I am stressed out and why I am ready to put my life on hold.

Thanks for reading. My sister and I are close and can talk about anything, but this was one thing that I absolutely needed to blab to anyone else who would listen.

I came, I laughed, I rearranged my panties and made myself dinner.

There is no point to this post.

Some People Don’t Want To Talk About It

I hate it when I’m hanging out with someone who seems really cool, funny, and open-minded… and then I make a comment about masturbation or oral sex and they suddenly turn into St. Mary of the Virgins.

Question

Is it annoying or sexy when a woman giggles uncontrollably after she has an orgasm? Asking for a friend.

Current Status

Biting my lower lip and looking around for a pillow to hump.

Current Status

So incredibly horny that I’m considering going to a college campus and making today some random 19 year old kid’s lucky day.

Wow. Or woe?

I saw all those pics and I fell asleep without masturbating. What the fuck?!